relli hope got a big big bear or baby whale let me hug n teman me.....
y am i so sad? why so down? why so upset? why...the heart felt so hollow...where it went? where is the lost piece....apa yg kehausan ni? wats that empty feeling? where it come from?? where?why?
Im lossin myself......
its so dark...so lonely...why am i no feelin? i should b scared...my heart was not there to b afraid...
i ask all question...[y noone understand? y i bcom so weak? y so easily to cry? when did my tears feel so heavy down~ u might think tat i think too much? not that ppl dun understand...they want me to tahan n b strong n not so little then cry cry cry like a baby....but hav u ever think? the one tats always happy...is she relli happy from the bottom from her heart? or u only know her through her physical?? do u relli understand her??? i dun even think the one created me understand]im not the kind of person tat cant stand every little thing...i cant take it after so long...
long ago ~ i did cry~ my dad promise it wont happen again~ i wont get hurt again...but y? its repeating now? did he relli done his job well??? am i creating problem??? i know they work real hard n suffer from lots of thing to protect the family~ to earn money~ i know all!!!! but sometimes is not tat everything u can control~ is not tat i wanna fan them~ not at all~ but sometimes i cant really keep everything into my heart n burn in it myself... who cares? who cares for me?? dun say u care~ think first~ only vern cares~ vern.....vern.....
daddy u rmb u told me tat boy wont treat me like tat le.....rmb? i was hurt so badly....felt it again tat the hole exist....when will it recover? who will ? the doctor can do anything~ its raining now~ the sky also feel sad for me~ im surrounded with only such wide countryside view~
dad....mum....y treat me like tat? u ask y i ask so much? i knoe u guys love me...i do~ i think both side~ i think~ i love my family more than anyone in this world do!!!!! i do.... i relli do....coz i know only if u put ur heart into it only u will get it bac~ but y???y???? u still think im not good enough? y i love shen boy so much but still get this ?? tell me~ y when u guys kena hit by him or even talk bad by him u guys would shouted n scold n hit him bac but i gotta tahan n tahan n tahan till 12 years till now~~ yyyyyyyy??? i dun understand~ im also his sister~ u try askin who's bro treat em like tat??? if got in anyone in my class i would beg for ur forgivenss~~~~ but i doubt it~~~ so pain...the heart beat soften~~~
yesterday nite it happen again~ M was using all the bad words talkin bout me n B follow her...i cant stand it.....still gotta tahan....but they NVR knew when to stop...im so depress enough...i know~ y?? coz i stop period for almost few months!!!!! my stress is up high in my own body which only i will knoe~~~ believe it/.....then when it reaches my limit....i stand up n control my tears...look fierce n push his leg on his chest n ask him to appologise~ but he din!!!! he keep struggle~~ he din say~ but....i cant believe this part!!! M scold me y do this to him!!!! common!!!! hes a younger one!!!! he should respect me!!!! n then those words coming out is so harsh n hurtin...i run to D n told him~ but it seems nothing is done~ but i bet if it happens to em they would slap him~ just tat im me tats y i cant....it was not fair in this world startin from the start~someone told me~~~so i told DM like wat they taught me to tell the teacher when a gurl say me bodoh!!!!!n so i say...i tell u guys first~i dunno wat will i do or happen if it reaches my limit...but instead of understanding M scold me....sayin dun treaten em like this~~IM NOT!!!!! IM JUST TELLIN THEM HOW I FELT!!!!!! I TRIED......so i was too hurt n cry out loud like a kid lost something important into the room to pack my bag~~D then start to scold....then they came in...D ask him to appologise....he did unwillingly....like hes not even wrong!!! he says tat he learn it from M n D reply him not to learn the bad stuff!!!!! but he argue with him~[i still think im the kesian one...mangsa] so i go out n giv M a chance~ the last one~ but she seem not to take it fine.....n scold me!!!! n then....i keep on crying until the moment i sleep~~~ tats y eyes so thick today~~ bengkak...now oso cry~
theres still lots of saddy things happen in me~ its just the start of end~
sometimes when im lookin for myself i saw all of u with ur fren ...so close...so comfy so nice~ im so left out...i try...relli try all....i try to get closer but it seems tat i couldnt get any nearer than a step~ u guys seem so far~ like a stranger to me~ i cant b myself with u all~ tats y tas y~ i always seem to b happy~ tryin to make ppl happy~ but am i?? so tat...im not all left out alone??? [poor ashikin~she is relli alone]
just rmb....once words come out from the mouth....it may not b taken bac~ it end with broken n hollow heart~~the end.......
i ask all question...[y noone understand? y i bcom so weak? y so easily to cry? when did my tears feel so heavy down~ u might think tat i think too much? not that ppl dun understand...they want me to tahan n b strong n not so little then cry cry cry like a baby....but hav u ever think? the one tats always happy...is she relli happy from the bottom from her heart? or u only know her through her physical?? do u relli understand her??? i dun even think the one created me understand]im not the kind of person tat cant stand every little thing...i cant take it after so long...
long ago ~ i did cry~ my dad promise it wont happen again~ i wont get hurt again...but y? its repeating now? did he relli done his job well??? am i creating problem??? i know they work real hard n suffer from lots of thing to protect the family~ to earn money~ i know all!!!! but sometimes is not tat everything u can control~ is not tat i wanna fan them~ not at all~ but sometimes i cant really keep everything into my heart n burn in it myself... who cares? who cares for me?? dun say u care~ think first~ only vern cares~ vern.....vern.....
daddy u rmb u told me tat boy wont treat me like tat le.....rmb? i was hurt so badly....felt it again tat the hole exist....when will it recover? who will ? the doctor can do anything~ its raining now~ the sky also feel sad for me~ im surrounded with only such wide countryside view~
dad....mum....y treat me like tat? u ask y i ask so much? i knoe u guys love me...i do~ i think both side~ i think~ i love my family more than anyone in this world do!!!!! i do.... i relli do....coz i know only if u put ur heart into it only u will get it bac~ but y???y???? u still think im not good enough? y i love shen boy so much but still get this ?? tell me~ y when u guys kena hit by him or even talk bad by him u guys would shouted n scold n hit him bac but i gotta tahan n tahan n tahan till 12 years till now~~ yyyyyyyy??? i dun understand~ im also his sister~ u try askin who's bro treat em like tat??? if got in anyone in my class i would beg for ur forgivenss~~~~ but i doubt it~~~ so pain...the heart beat soften~~~
yesterday nite it happen again~ M was using all the bad words talkin bout me n B follow her...i cant stand it.....still gotta tahan....but they NVR knew when to stop...im so depress enough...i know~ y?? coz i stop period for almost few months!!!!! my stress is up high in my own body which only i will knoe~~~ believe it/.....then when it reaches my limit....i stand up n control my tears...look fierce n push his leg on his chest n ask him to appologise~ but he din!!!! he keep struggle~~ he din say~ but....i cant believe this part!!! M scold me y do this to him!!!! common!!!! hes a younger one!!!! he should respect me!!!! n then those words coming out is so harsh n hurtin...i run to D n told him~ but it seems nothing is done~ but i bet if it happens to em they would slap him~ just tat im me tats y i cant....it was not fair in this world startin from the start~someone told me~~~so i told DM like wat they taught me to tell the teacher when a gurl say me bodoh!!!!!n so i say...i tell u guys first~i dunno wat will i do or happen if it reaches my limit...but instead of understanding M scold me....sayin dun treaten em like this~~IM NOT!!!!! IM JUST TELLIN THEM HOW I FELT!!!!!! I TRIED......so i was too hurt n cry out loud like a kid lost something important into the room to pack my bag~~D then start to scold....then they came in...D ask him to appologise....he did unwillingly....like hes not even wrong!!! he says tat he learn it from M n D reply him not to learn the bad stuff!!!!! but he argue with him~[i still think im the kesian one...mangsa] so i go out n giv M a chance~ the last one~ but she seem not to take it fine.....n scold me!!!! n then....i keep on crying until the moment i sleep~~~ tats y eyes so thick today~~ bengkak...now oso cry~
theres still lots of saddy things happen in me~ its just the start of end~
sometimes when im lookin for myself i saw all of u with ur fren ...so close...so comfy so nice~ im so left out...i try...relli try all....i try to get closer but it seems tat i couldnt get any nearer than a step~ u guys seem so far~ like a stranger to me~ i cant b myself with u all~ tats y tas y~ i always seem to b happy~ tryin to make ppl happy~ but am i?? so tat...im not all left out alone??? [poor ashikin~she is relli alone]
just rmb....once words come out from the mouth....it may not b taken bac~ it end with broken n hollow heart~~the end.......
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